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Ugh
So that whole thing about being a good place - it's over. I've been completely knocked off balance.
The one thing that I would use to help get me back in a right place I'm limited in doing. As much as my spirit is telling me to run, I can't run like I want to.
This dumb leg.
// posted by stacey on 8:11:00 AM // |
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Still in a Good Place - For the Most Part
After fully realizing last week that I have this little tendency to be a bit hard on myself, I have been focusing more on appreciating what I accomplish and just letting go. It was a lot easier to type that than to actually follow through with it but I am getting there.
In most of the races I run I always want to do better than I did in the last one. During the winter this was not the case. I got stagnant in my weight loss, perhaps even gained a few back and just was not feeling all that great about any of the results. They weren't getting worse but they weren't improving either. I think the low point for me had to be the Coogan's 5k in Washington Heights. I had a really bad sinus attack the week of the race that caused me to miss two days of work. I should not have run in the race. But not wanting to miss it, I ran, or at least tried to. I felt like crap, could hardly breathe and of course was angry at myself for the sub par result.
Shortly after that I hooked up with my wellness coach. The wellness coach that I'm sure all of my friends are tired of me talking about by now. I was at a point where I knew I needed a little extra push and I got it. I got on the new nutrition plan that just reminded what I needed to be doing and then the whole strength training thing. The extra pounds dropped and I found some newly developed muscles. Along the way I ended up on this amazing PR streak. I'm not beating these PR's by seconds but by minutes. My coach has been a big part of that and deserves much of the credit for these results.
It's just that now I am able to look back on these results and be really proud of myself. Give me a break ok, I'm a Capricorn it takes a while to process things.
On Saturday I ran in the Central Park Conservancy Run for Central Park four mile race and hit another PR. I think this was the first time in a really long time that I was actually happy crossing the finishing line because of what I had accomplished. All I really wanted to do was celebrate the moment and that is what I did.
The additional eight miles I was planning on running were pushed aside for another day. That is how I know I am in a good place because I know I would have found something to be upset about if I had done those additional miles. I was living in the moment and it felt pretty good.
I ran 12.2 miles the next day in Central Park. The first loop felt almost effortless and the second loop was more challenging but not devastatingly hard. Still in a good place. I did my stretching and did some walking around. Still in a good place. Went to the Liberty game and sat still for two some-odd hours. Liberty won. Still in a good place until I got up to leave. Ouch, the pain behind my knee!
So now I've got this thing going on behind my knee, most likely a tendon thing. It did not respond to ice or BioFreeze but seems to be responding to heat. I have been resting it for three days and am about to go crazy. I want to run! I have no idea what to do with myself when I can't run.
I need the running like a drug. I broke down and took some ibuprofen today and have bonded with my heating pad. I'm going to try some easy running tomorrow because I totally need to run to stay in my happy good place.
// posted by stacey on 2:30:00 PM // |
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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
In a Good Place
or 32 Days Until the NYC Half
After finishing yesterday's run I learned something - I'm too hard on myself. OK, this isn't actually something new that I have learned but I came to the realization that I was being too hard on myself much earlier than usual. I finished my five mile run in one hour, three minutes above my PR. I wasn't happy and I was disappointed with myself. Why?
The simple answer to this is that I always think I should be doing better not just in running but in everything I do. This is something that has been a part of my chemistry forever. It has caused me to go into downward spirals and over process my shortcomings in failed jobs, tasks and relationships to name a few.
There is a much more complex answer about the why that is way too long to post on a blog and would only be reserved for the few who really need to know. So you have been spared.
The difference between yesterday was that I quickly got out of the disappointment funk and focused on reality. I did not do a warm-up run and therefore my calves were tight for the first half of the run. Another reason, I had to stop and slow down for tourists and pedicabs. Subtract those things and boom, I had a good run.
If I were not in a good place, someone would literally have to explain all that to me and repeat it several times. Then maybe, just maybe I would agree. For example here is a conversation I had with my friend Tom shortly after finishing the Brooklyn Half.
Tom: You finished your first ever half-marathon, you did great!
Me: Yeah, I did ok.
Tom: No, you did great! Last year we couldn't even run two minutes.
Me: I know, I did ok.
Tom: What was your goal?
Me: I accomplished my second goal so I did alright.
Tom: No, you did great!
It took a few days for it to sink in that I did in fact do great.
Training for my next half-marathon, the NYC Half on August 16, has been so much better. I am at approximately 32 days out and I'm not stressing or obsessing about it.
The fact that I was able to get over what I felt was a so-so run as quickly as I did is testament to that. I am in a good place right now.
So far I have completed all of my long runs on my own, something I could never have done for the Brooklyn Half. When I do them I am at total peace with myself and feel awesome. They are almost effortless.
This isn't to say that the bad evil thoughts don't enter my mind during these runs, they do. But the difference is that I'm in a place right now where I know how to deal with them.
I still have some more training to do for the NYC Half but I'm excited about it and am ready to tackle it. In 32 days I'll own this race!
// posted by stacey on 12:39:00 PM // |
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Friday, July 10, 2009
In Training
Well I am now into my second week of full on training for the NYC Half on August 16. So far, so good. I've logged two 10 mile long runs and one 11 mile long run. In between I have done some tempo and hill work. It feels good to start grinding things out again.
At the advice of my wellness coach I took a little break from the hardcore training to give my body a wee bit of a break. I sometimes need to be reminded to do things like that. Give me a project or goal and I'll keep slogging away until the very end or until someone pulls me away.
Interestingly enough my work situation may actually help with my training. Due to a cut in our benefits we're no longer allowed to accumulate as much PTO (paid time off) days as in the past. This has put me in a situation where I have to take 54 days off by next July 1 to get under my new cap. This basically averages out to 4 days a month.
A co-worker/runner friend suggested I could use those days for my long runs. Excellent idea, I say! I already did one that I was surprised to realize was my first long run ever by myself. I have to say that I found it to be one of the most enjoyable and spiritually fulfilling runs I have ever been on. It ended up being an almost effortless 10 miles.
Of course I may not be able to do a long run on every day off and part of my new challenge is to learn how to actually relax when I have a day off. This I am not very good at. I have a feeling that I will be working on this with my wellness coach.
// posted by stacey on 10:40:00 AM // |
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